Complex Trauma: When you can't "move on"

One of the most invalidating statements a person can make to someone who has experienced trauma is “you need to just get over it,” “move on with your life,” or “forgive and forget.” These phrases, though often well-intentioned, reveal a fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of trauma, particularly complex trauma.

Understanding Complex Trauma

Complex trauma refers to repeated exposure to traumatic events, often within interpersonal relationships. Unlike a single traumatic event, complex trauma typically involves ongoing abuse, neglect, or other forms of severe stressors. This type of trauma can profoundly affect a person’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being, making it incredibly challenging to simply “move on.”

How Trauma Changes the Brain

The impact of trauma on the brain is profound and multifaceted. Trauma can cause lasting changes in several key areas of the brain:

1. Amygdala: The amygdala is the brain’s fear center, responsible for detecting threats and triggering the body’s fight-or-flight response. Trauma can cause the amygdala to become overactive, leading to heightened anxiety, hypervigilance, and an exaggerated stress response. This overactivity makes it difficult for individuals to feel safe, even in non-threatening situations.

2. Hippocampus: The hippocampus plays a crucial role in forming and retrieving memories. Trauma can damage the hippocampus, leading to difficulties in distinguishing between past and present experiences. This can result in flashbacks, intrusive memories, and an impaired ability to form new, positive memories.

3. Prefrontal Cortex: The prefrontal cortex is involved in higher-order functions such as decision-making, impulse control, and emotional regulation. Trauma can impair the functioning of the prefrontal cortex, leading to difficulties in managing emotions, making rational decisions, and maintaining focus. This can contribute to feelings of being overwhelmed and struggling to cope with daily life.

4. Cortisol Levels: Trauma affects the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, leading to dysregulation of cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone. Chronic trauma can result in consistently high or erratic cortisol levels, which can have widespread effects on the body, including immune system suppression, increased inflammation, and difficulties with sleep and mood regulation.

Why “Moving On” Is Not Always Possible

1. Deep Psychological Wounds: Trauma leaves deep psychological scars that can’t be erased with time alone. These wounds affect how a person perceives themselves, others, and the world around them. Telling someone to “move on” dismisses the complexity of their experiences and the depth of their pain.

2. Impact on the Brain: Trauma alters brain function. The brain's structure and chemistry change in response to severe stress, affecting memory, emotional regulation, and the ability to process experiences. This makes the simplistic advice to “get over it” not only unhelpful but also unrealistic.

3. Emotional Triggers: Individuals with complex trauma often experience triggers—events or situations that remind them of their trauma. These triggers can cause intense emotional and physical reactions, making it difficult to feel safe and grounded. The idea of moving on ignores these ongoing struggles.

4. Need for Validation and Support: Healing from trauma requires validation and support from others. When someone tells a trauma survivor to move on, it invalidates their experiences and feelings, making them feel isolated and misunderstood. Genuine support involves listening, validating experiences, and offering compassion.

Children and Childhood Trauma

Childhood trauma, often referred to as Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), can have profound and lasting effects on a child’s development. Trauma experienced during childhood can alter the trajectory of a child's emotional and physical health, affecting their well-being into adulthood.

1. Developmental Impact: Children's brains are highly malleable and still developing. Trauma during these formative years can disrupt normal development, leading to difficulties with cognitive, emotional, and social functioning. Children may struggle with learning, have difficulty forming healthy relationships, and exhibit behavioral issues.

2. Attachment and Trust: Trauma, especially when inflicted by caregivers, can severely impact a child's ability to form secure attachments. This can lead to problems with trust, both in childhood and later in life. Children who experience trauma may develop attachment disorders, making it challenging to build healthy, trusting relationships.

3. Emotional Regulation: Trauma affects a child's ability to regulate emotions. They may exhibit heightened anxiety, anger, or sadness and struggle to manage these emotions effectively. This can result in emotional outbursts, withdrawal, or other maladaptive coping mechanisms.

4. Physical Health: The stress of trauma can manifest physically in children, leading to issues such as sleep disturbances, headaches, stomach problems, and a weakened immune system. Chronic stress from trauma can also contribute to long-term health problems like heart disease and diabetes.

5. Behavioral Responses: Children who have experienced trauma may display a range of behavioral responses, from hyperactivity and aggression to withdrawal and dissociation. These behaviors are often misunderstood and can lead to further isolation and punishment, exacerbating the child's struggles.

Supporting Children with Trauma

1. Creating a Safe Environment: Ensuring that a child feels safe is the first step in helping them heal from trauma. This involves creating a stable, predictable environment where the child feels secure and supported.

2. Building Trust and Attachment: Caregivers and therapists can help rebuild a child's sense of trust by being consistent, reliable, and empathetic. Forming a strong, positive attachment with a trusted adult can provide a foundation for healing.

3. Therapeutic Interventions: Trauma-focused therapy, such as Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) or Play Therapy, can be effective in helping children process and recover from trauma. These therapies provide a safe space for children to express their feelings and learn coping strategies.

4. Encouraging Expression: Children may not have the words to express their trauma. Encouraging alternative forms of expression, such as drawing, storytelling, or play, can help them process their experiences.

5. Education and Awareness: Educating caregivers, teachers, and peers about the effects of trauma can foster a more understanding and supportive environment for the child. Awareness reduces stigma and promotes empathy and support.

The Path to Healing

1. Acknowledgment: Acknowledging the reality and impact of the trauma is the first step. This includes understanding that healing is a journey and not a destination. It’s okay to have setbacks and to take time to process your experiences.

2. Professional Help: Seeking help from a licensed therapist specializing in trauma can be immensely beneficial. Therapy provides a safe space to explore and process traumatic experiences, develop coping strategies, and work towards healing.

3. Building a Support System: Surrounding yourself with understanding and supportive individuals can make a significant difference. Whether it's friends, family, or support groups, having people who validate your experiences and offer empathy is crucial.

4. Self-Care and Mindfulness: Engaging in self-care activities and mindfulness practices can help manage stress and build resilience. Activities like meditation, journaling, and physical exercise can contribute to emotional and physical well-being.

5. Education and Awareness: Educating oneself about trauma and its effects can empower survivors and their loved ones. Understanding the complexities of trauma helps in developing empathy and reducing stigma.

Telling someone to “move on” from complex trauma is not only unhelpful but can also be deeply damaging. Healing from trauma is a multifaceted and ongoing process that requires understanding, support, and patience. By acknowledging the reality of trauma and offering compassionate support, we can create an environment where survivors feel seen, heard, and validated in their healing journeys.